Lewd Little Love Letters
by Rice-Ball247
Summary: SS/HP - It's Valentines Day of 1999 and Draco seems to have stumbled, literally, into Harry, procuring some rather questionable letters that challenge the true nature of the Potter-Snape relationship. SLASH oneshot


♥ **Lewd Little Love Letters **♥

_By Rice-Ball247 _

**Rice-Ball247: **Another year, another Valentines Day. I remember last year's Valentine's Day piece for SasuNaru (Golden). Yeah. I must have been in an angsty mood.

Never the less, I was in a rather... twisted/sugar-high/happy-go-lucky mood when I wrote this, but don't let that put you off, since I don't go crazy. Much. Anyway, I was bored. The class was boring. I had a pen. And paper. And mental-imagery. Ta-da!

* * *

Anybody who had been at Hogwarts long enough knew very well, the sour relationship between one Harry Potter and his professor Severus Snape. If the term 'relationship' could be used in such a context to describe whatever might have existed between them, the two might have spoilt the meaning for anyone else who had a significant other. 

Only the most ignorant stayed out of any business that involved the two and those who did pay attention found that the two hated each other more than anything else in this godforsaken existence (Severus' words, not mine).

Of course, there was something that I knew, that most others, no matter how perceptive they were, didn't. Being a Slytherin at heart, and a Malfoy, and having Severus Snape for my godfather taught me quite a few things, as well as gave me some privileges.

Severus had managed to somehow persuade Professor Dumbledore to allow me to stay on as an apprentice at Hogwarts, once I had graduated. I, despite my social standing in the wizarding world, chose to pursue a career in teaching at a professional level, rather than loiter around with the inheritance that was left to me.

Yet I wasn't the only one with this career path in mind. Potter had, for some reason or another, managed to push the thought of teaching other little gremlins into his brain that he wanted to take over the role as the new Defense teacher come the next year.

As a result, he and I were forced to take a one-year apprenticeship; he, under the tutelage of Professor Remus Lupin, who would temporarily be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the year, and I, studying under the wings of Professor McGonagall to become the newest Transfiguration teacher, while she took over as Headmistress. Apparently, old Dumbles wanted to retire when Potter and I started teaching, so he's already planned his vacation to the Bahamas, or something like that.

However, becoming a teacher wasn't entirely easy. Not only did we have to make sure that our N.E.W.Ts were of a high standard (minimum of 5 Outstandings, in either Transfiguration, Potions, Charms, DADA, History of Magic, Divination, Ancient Runes and Arithmancy – the 'hard' subjects), but in addition to studying under a particular teacher, apprentices also had to spend a few hours a week with each one of the core subject professors.

We would have to take part in their classes and observe teaching techniques as well as brush up on our skills, in case there was an emergency in which we would have to substitute for another professor. Technically, we were considered professors as well, or 'student teachers', since we got to teach classes with aid from time to time.

Obviously this was a disaster in the making once Potter had to go study Potions with Snape. Or so I thought, until one day…

* * *

I was on my way to Transfiguration with Minerva, scowling under my breath as I passed yet another flock of enchanted pink hearts which floated about in an irritating manner. If I heard another singing dwarf again, I swear on my wand that I will not be responsible for my actions, no matter how _irresponsible_ they may be. 

Stupid testosterone boys and their gifts; stupid harlequin girls and their giggling. I might as well AK myself on the spot. Or cast a silencing spell around myself so that I wouldn't be subjected to that _god-awful _howling…

But doing that to myself _would_ be bad, because as soon as I had cast the spell around myself, I failed to hear someone thundering down the staircase just around the corner. As I turned, I was barreled painfully to the floor as a small, but lithe body collided into me.

Ready to hex whoever it may have been, as well as deduct points, I was rather stunned to see a flushed Potter already scrambling to gather his fallen books as he rushed for… err… whatever class he may have next. Well, since he's going down, I'm guessing he might have been in a rush, heading for the dungeons.

For once, I pitied him. If he was still scared of being late to Severus' classes after all this time, then maybe this tutelage thing was a bad idea after all (well, goes to show how much Potter deserves that job, doesn't it?).

Then again, only a second after picking up his books, he rushed off again without another word, or even a goddamn apology.

Okay, perhaps I hadn't _heard_ said apology because of the silencing spell…

I sighed, removing the spell from my person, wincing as the horrible screeching of a dwarf serenading a smitten fourth year reached my ears. I would have whipped out my wand to hex _both_ of them silly, had my eyes not chanced upon the papers that were under my foot. I must have somehow fallen atop them and Potter hadn't noticed.

Frowning, I picked them up, noticing that they were stapled together (just because I'm a pureblood wizard, it doesn't mean I'm completely muggle-knowledge deficient), and scanned over the first page.

_Bottle fame; brew glory; put stopper in death._

That sounded like the speech that Severus gave to _us_ in our first year. Beneath it were the words:

_Professor Snape_, followed by a rather warped caricature of a crying face, and then _Professor __Lupin_, which had a bright smiley face beside it.

Interesting. Perhaps the relationship between Potter and Lupin goes a lot deeper than what is on the surface. I was intrigued to find out more and continued on my way to Transfiguration with the papers in hand.

The next scrap of parchment (looks like Potter must have put them in order) had me rereading it with a frown. Severus' slanted script in his red correction ink clearly stated:

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_I will not tolerate such nonsense in your Potions workbook, nor in my class._

_Detention, tonight at 8._

_Professor Snape_

Detention? With Snape? I checked my watch and saw that it was only four in the afternoon. That meant that there were four hours until his 'detention', which was odd in itself since Potter was no longer a student.

A passing student nearly collided into me yet again and I barked out '5 points from Gryffindor'. Reckless little brats. Oh God, I'm starting to sound like Severus!

A pink cloud began to settle in the corridor and I realized that it was one of those 'spread the love' cloud-things that Dumbledore was sprouting on about. Apparently, it made the atmosphere seem really… _lovely_.

No! I shook my head to clear the haze that settled over me, fanning the air in front of my face to keep the pink cloud away. Damn glitter. I bet it got into my hair too!

As soon as I was in the clear, I glanced down at the next parchment. I skimmed over the words and stopped just outside the Transfiguration class to reread it, due to the rather… interesting choice of words at the bottom. Well, the entire letter had been interesting.

_Professor Snape,_

_Just because I like Professor __Lupin__ better than you, it doesn't mean you have to go all ape-shit on me.__ And it's __**not**__ a Potions workbook. It's where I put my notes._

_HP_

_PS: __Remus__ is a sexy bitch._

_PPS: You can't give other professors a detention._

"Mr. Malfoy?"

I hastened to fold the crumpled papers and shove them into my robes as I glanced up to see an anxious looking Transfiguration teacher.

"Yes, Minerva?" I asked, hoping that my voice masked whatever guilty expression I might have had on my face. She looked torn for a moment, glancing from her class and then back to me.

"Today is N.E.W.T study for the seventh years and we seem to have come across a problem involving potion-inflicted transfiguration. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you please run down to the dungeons and ask Professor Snape for this?" she summoned a small scrap of paper from her desk, which had a list of required potions for today's lesson.

I nodded, giving her a brief smile before heading down to the dungeons. There was about ten minutes before the Potions lesson began, since each class ran on different times (a little confusing, but it worked, somehow), so there should be enough time for Severus to gather these potions without too much trouble.

Just as I entered Slytherin territory, thankful that the students in my house had somehow managed to put up simple wards to keep irritating Valentines Day nonsense at bay, I suddenly remembered the papers in my robes.

I had already realized that it was a correspondence between Potter and Severus, if the letters were any indication. I frowned. I thought they hated each other.

And in all my eighteen years of existence, even with Princess Voldemort and the rest of his Death Muncher Troupe, I could never recall myself being as surprised as I was at that moment when I read the letter from Severus to Potter.

_Potter,_

_If this is some sort of sick revenge for accidentally kicking you out of our bed last night, I can assure you that no good will come out of such trivialities. _

_Severus_

_PS: Don't talk about __Lupin__ like that. I don't like the way he looks at you._

_PPS: If you're extra good, I'll treat you later at eight, as promised. _

_PPPS: I thought you liked to role-play teacher-student?_

"Huh?"

I blinked rapidly, rubbing my eyes to see if there was some sort of weird Valentines Day powder or glitter that had managed to corrupt my eyesight. Once my vision had come back into focus, I reread the letter.

Nope. Still the same.

My hands trembled as I lifted the parchment to read the next sheet.

_Sev_

_I'm sorry. You're right. I'm being a brat. Sleep with me and make it better?_

_Love,_

_Your sweetheart _

_PS: Happy Valentines Day_

My feet came to a slow stop just outside the Potions classroom. There was one more note left.

I swallowed and lifted the paper with trepidation.

_Harry,_

_Potions classroom.__ Come now. Need to fuck you._

_Sev_

_PS: Bring the letters with you_

I nearly shrieked and dropped the papers in my hands as if they were some sort of monster, or imbued with acid. My heart sped up as I felt a familiar flush crawl over my cheeks.

But… but, Potter? Severus? Together?

SINCE WHEN?

_"__Oooohhh __Sev__, right there! Ah! __Mm! __Fuuuuuck__ so __gooooood__!"_

Apparently, when two much enamoured people come together and have nothing but love and lust for each other, they see nothing and forget everything else.

Including silencing spells.

I winced as I heard potion phials hit the floor; the creaking of Severus' desk; Potter's wanton cries and Severus' guttural moans.

_"So tight!__ Fuck, Harry, don't change! Stay like this, always tight for me! __So hot, so needy!"_

More glass shattering. Papers being scattered. Severus' writing equipment.

_"Just for you!__ Always tight for you! __Mmm__! Deeper! Harder!"_

_"Sucking me in, just like that! Beautiful, so beautiful…"_

_"Sucking you in!__ Aaahh__!"_

**"USE A GODDAMN SILENCING SPELL, WOULD YOU?!"**my control snapped as I stuck Minerva's potion request on the door and dashed away like a cowardly dog with its tail between its legs.

Okay, maybe not a cowardly dog.

More like a scarred-for-life godson.

Yeah.

That.

I shuddered as I left the dungeons and sprinted all the way to the Transfiguration classroom, pushing past a group of disgruntled Potion students heading to their class as I went.

Oh god. Poor students. Scarred for life! Scarred I tell you! Scarred!!

"Draco? Where are the potions?"

I swallowed and shook my head, "Severus and… Potter are apparently occupied at the moment. They seem to be… writing up a lesson plan. Together."

Minerva regarded me for a moment before she sighed and ushered me into the classroom. "By the way," she began in a whisper, "next time you see them, could you please remind Severus that the Transfiguration classroom will only serve as a classroom, and not a playground for whatever tomfoolery they wish to get up to?"

"You mean…"

She nodded solemnly.

"In _here_?"

Again, another nod.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"Mr. Malfoy? Where are you going?!"

* * *

"What a shame that Mr. Malfoy decided to withdraw his application for the Transfiguration position," Albus sighed as he walked into the staffroom later in the afternoon. Harry glanced up from his tea with an eyebrow raised. "Looks like I'll have to postpone the Bahamas and my Caribbean tour." 

"Must have not been able to handle your Valentines Day decor, Albus," Harry snickered as he sipped his tea and passed it to Severus, who took a sip. "Especially since they get worse with every passing year."

"Indeed," Severus grunted, frowning as he stared morosely at the cup of tea in his hands. "Harry, how much sugar did you put in this?"

"Four? Five? I can't remember."

"Urgh."

Albus' eyes twinkled as he regarded the lovesick couple with satisfaction, and then turned to leave the staffroom. "Perhaps, my dear boy, perhaps."

♥ **Fin! **♥

Okay, maybe that _wasn't_ so lewd after all. Still, I was going for an alliteration. At least I didn't call it 'Love Love Happy' or some crazy, DDR-song (Love Love Shine ♥).

Anyway, this is dedicated to those who have reviewed/faved/alerted for 'The Pursuit of Happiness (and Harry, somehow)'. You guys are awesome!

Please review!


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